Mompreneur Diaries: A Look Behind the Scenes
Hello and welcome to the first installment of The Mompreneur Diaries, where we take a look behind the scenes to get a glimpse of what it is REALLY like to be a homeschooling Mompreneur on a mission!
It’s something that I am realizing everyone needs to know: There is SO much more going on behind the scenes and beneath the surface than what it seems like, as anyone can tell you.
I have heard some comments thrown around to me that were kind of compliments, but I felt they were missing context. Basically, I heard a lot of people’s limiting beliefs and negative mindsets coming to the surface, so I thought shifting gears from my usual educational/informative blog posts for a bit would be helpful and necessary to get to the real truth of what I do and why I “appear” successful.
First off, in no way am I deliberately trying to look “Instagram-perfect” or present a totally false image. It’s just something that happens sometimes where people look at someone else, see a small tip-of-the-iceberg that is more polished and presentable and then assume that every other part is exactly like that. Context is missing massively.
On the surface… I have a lot of amazing opportunities coming up for me and business is steadily growing. I am super excited about it and growing to be, and feel, more professional. I homeschool my kids, am working on building up our homestead, have a “retired” husband, and pursuing my career, educational, and personal goals, while gaining more and more certifications and resources to my portfolio. It “looks” like I have a “perfect” life simply because I am doing a lot of things that seem challenging or impossible to others.
People look at what I am doing or have done and assess their lives in its current state and make the assumption, “I can’t do what you do.” Or, “I’m happy for you, but I don’t want to have to…. in order to do it.”
Here’s one of the big “secrets” to my success: If you plan for the unexpected you will be better equipped to handle the unexpected when it pops up - So, you won’t be totally thrown off your progress and goals.
Let’s go over this past month right up to present time, for instance.
This was already set to be one of my busiest months - Loaded with both kids’ birthdays, a full week of Holiday observances, classwork and a Final exams, new clients, appointments, new programs, filling and shipping out orders, craft/vendor weekends, multiple creative projects and book collaborations, new professional/career connections, trainings, workbooks to fill out, meetings, and then there is the personal daily life stuff; being a mom, homeschooling, being a wife, house cleaning and upkeep, bookkeeping/finances, making sure library books aren’t overdue, keeping up with the kids’ schedules and activities, my husband’s fluctuating work schedule, etc.
No, there simply isn’t enough time in each day to fit it all in and as time goes by I have learned to stop trying. It’s like trying to force that square peg into the round hole.
Then, this past month alone:
My husband fell while ice skating with the kids and hurt his ribs a good deal
Then, he had a kitchen mishap and almost sliced off the tip off his finger (He’s ok now, but it was scary! I’ll spare the details, but it basically looked like a horror movie scene with all the gore - Meanwhile I don’t do well with blood at ALL and am trying to not freak out while taking care of him AND the kids AND getting dinner moving along aka Real Life Stuff!) = He had to miss work that week due to his injury meaning we lost his pay we were expecting and needing = More opportunity for financial stress to take over
Then, my husband slipped and fell on some water was on the kitchen floor and hurt his other side real bad - We have tile floors. Ouch!
My youngest son had an incident with one of our roosters pecked him and basically attacked him. My son is ok, but did get hurt. He had multiple wounds so we had to care for them one side of his body at a time. Life Hack: Keep sweet treats on hand for just such occasions! They are a perfect diversion to soothe a child when they are scared and/or experiencing pain. Wins every time! So, of course, everything got dropped to take care of my little guy. There is nothing more important than tending to my family’s physical and emotional needs when there is a crisis or trauma moment. We worked through the physical tending to the wounds, then worked on the emotions. The incident scared him and I didn’t want it to turn him off from his pets that he loves because of that one incident.
As I write this, my husband’s fall injuries has flared up again and he is unable to do much physically - the work day exacerbated the injuries. So, in order to keep him going to work and finishing out the week so we don’t lose the pay, I put him on “chair-rest” so he can heal.
WHEW! When those Unexpecteds pop-up, they really do throw everything off. For me, even my work schedule being thrown off one hour has massive impact. So much of what I do requires massive brain power, quiet time, the right energy, and creating things from almost nothing. It requires I give, and when these things happen, my energy gets diverted so I am giving more to my family. That’s what I signed up for and I love being able to take my natural skills with my educational and professional training to help the people I love and treasure the most, BUT it does also add more to my plate.
It means more time that I have to spend mentally, emotionally, and energetically recovering. Like, seriously, my mom’s heart breaks every time my kids are hurt in any capacity. Then, I had to acknowledge and work through the emotions of seeing my husband with his finger incident. It was traumatic for me and I had to fight off a panic attack, all while trying to hide that from my kids. I had to give myself a bit to recover and I simply had to take stuff off my schedule that I had been planning and needing to get done.
I needed to create videos. In order to create videos, I need to write the content. In order to write the content, I need to have a clear brainstorming session to map out what is necessary and how it all fits in to the bigger picture. In order to have a brainstorming session, I need to get the time-specific and big things done - this means mostly all my clients, meetings, scheduling, and research/prep for each of those.
Sometimes, like this month, everything that isn’t absolutely necessary gets wiped off and pushed forward. I don’t take it off my To-Do list entirely, but it just gets postponed, or re-scheduled. I have to breathe through what feels like everything spiraling out of control and could easily trigger an anxiety attack. I don’t go there anymore. I walk myself through and breathe. I coach myself through as I would, and have, my clients when faced with similar situations.
Family comes first. Right next to it is inner alignment/self-care. I can’t do all I need to if I am out of alignment. So, even if all my plans and external environment is out of alignment, I have to focus even more on my own alignment. Then there is the basic daily upkeep. We need to eat something, the healthier the better so other health issues like brain fog don’t derail the self-care. The house needs to be clean-ish to receive clients. There is prep-work to be done for each client and appointment/meeting I have. There is schoolwork with deadlines and projects with deadlines. What is flexible and what is a hard-line? Everything that is flexible gets flexed as much as possible. Everything with a hard-line becomes the priority.
The world won’t implode if I don’t get to make my videos, or even the new content. But, I can write this blog post while my husband is resting and pumping his body full of anti-inflammatories and natural pain-relief remedies, my youngest is playing a video game and oldest is doing his chores.
It’s not perfect, but it’s life. It keeps going. I can choose to be rigid and throw it all out the window if one thing - or even a series of things - don’t go according to “plan” or I can breathe and do the best with what I’ve got - even if that means Take-out and “clearing” the schedule as much as possible to accommodate.
See, it really has nothing to do with perfection at all. The only real formula is having clear goals and breaking them down into bite-sized pieces. I could easily let the stress overwhelm me, but that serves no good purpose and only spirals outward to my family and my clients. No one needs that.
When people see me and say “I can’t do what you do,” it’s really just that they haven’t learned how to look at the big picture, break each step down into as tiny and bite-sized pieces as possible, and then try to plan as much flexibility into their schedule to accommodate for these unexpected life events.
For now, I am taking more time out to drink my Chamomile tea to relax, eating more nutritious food, keeping up with a tidier home (improving the external environment always has a massive impact on the internal one), and tending to my family’s needs while not neglecting my own.
I can’t do it all, and I’m okay with that. I have learned, over time, to just do what I can, give the very best and accept the moments when my very best looks like video games for the kids and “shutting down” to heal and recover in the way that I most need in that moment.
Your Gold Nugget of Today: It’s necessary to let go of unrealistic expectations and build a flexible life that accommodates “Life” to the best of your abilities. Let go of any guilt, shame, or perfectionistic tendencies that actually hinder you doing what is truly best for you and your bigger picture.
Remember, too, that no ones life is “perfect” or exactly how it appears on the surface. Let go of the comparison trap and learn to “surf” those unexpected waves when they hit. Brace for the impact and be ready to ride with the big waves rather than getting toppled by them!
Until next time,
~ Crystal aka the Imperfectly Flawesome Momprenuer